Definition:  Support is knowing that others have your back, no matter what

Overcoming abandonment allows us to deal with fear in our lives. But there are several types of fear and each of these examples can easily lead to negative identity beliefs in all of us. 

  1. For many people, fear shows up as anger first. Anger helps us feel fear in the fact of fear. Anger triggers us to to FIGHT and defend ourselves. 
  2. When defending doesn't work, then fear shows up as DANGER to us. Danger triggers flight for escape and survival. It also triggers us to freeze. 
  3. But the most insidious fear is SHAME. Shame is fear of social expulsion. Throughout the history of mankind, we could not survive without the tribe. Baby humans need a family to survive. These life-or-death stakes are are programmed into all of us. Shame triggers repression and conformity. But with the right support, we can transform shame into courage. 

These responses are all about defending ourselves. When we feel supported then anger, danger and shame ALL shift to healthier more functional engagements with each other and with the world. You need support to become an overcomer.